


The Great Phone Exchange

by aBrokenAnkle



Series: Edgy Heathers "home for for kids in need" au [3]
Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, I guess???, Multi, Slice of Life, Texting, Theft, dating sims, its been so long since i posted last im sorry, my horse prince - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-10-29 18:39:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10859781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aBrokenAnkle/pseuds/aBrokenAnkle
Summary: Teenangst – just bc I don’t put ten pounds of makeup on my face doesn’t mean I don’t look presentableduKE – VERONICAduKE – YOU LOOK LIKE A DYING LIONOr: In which I come back from the dead and a lot more shenanigans happen as filler and then I get strangely invested in my filler to the point that this is going to be a two-parter.





	1. My Horse Prince

Teenangst – has everyone seen the video “cannoli murder”

Teenangst – because if you haven’t I’m forcing you to

Teenangst – <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OTPEyj5l3c>

duKE – veronica we have to leaVE FOR SCHOOL IN TEN MINUTES

Teenangst – your point

duKE – STOP SEARCHING FOR DEAD MEMES AND START MAKING YOURSELF PRESENTABLE

Teenangst – just bc I don’t put ten pounds of makeup on my face doesn’t mean I don’t look presentable

duKE – VERONICA

duKE – YOU LOOK LIKE A DYING LION

Teenangst – 1st of all don’t burst into my room like that I could have been changing

Teenangst – 2nd of all, fuck you

duKE – “FUCK YOU” IS NOT A VALID ARGUMENTATIVE POINT

duKE – YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID

Teenangst – 3rd of all, don’t lecture me in staying in bed late when literally two days ago mom had to drag you downstairs by your ankles because you refused to get up

duKE – DON’T DRAG ME LIKE THIS

duKE – if you don’t get up and make yourself not look like a mess I am going to pretend like I don’t know you when we get to school

Teenangst – you mean you wouldn’t disown me completely?????

Teenangst – omg

Teenangst – that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me thank you

duKE – what

duKE – no I hate you

Teenangst – OH HEATHER~~

Teenangst – I NEVER KNEW YOU FELT THIS WAY BEFORE~~

duKE – I H AT E YO U

Teenangst – COME HERE DEAR SISTER OF MINE

duKE – GET AWAY FROM ME YOU GROSS FCJKKE

duKE – WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TOOK A SHOWER

Teenangst – IT DOESn’T MATTER WHEN WE ARE IN THE ARMS OF LOVE

duKE – LET ME GO

 

* * *

 

 

mellOW – why is heather screaming what sounds like bloody murder from veronica’s room?

Cinnamonroll – Sometimes it’s better not to enter a situation you don’t understand….  :P

mellOW – I

mellOW – do you think that they’re

Cinnnamonroll – NO NO NO They BETTER NOT BE

mellOW – I’m going to go check on them

Cinnamonroll – Good luck

 

* * *

 

 

mellOW – save my heather 10k

Cinnamonroll – WHAT ARE THEY DOING

mellOW – apparently duke accidentally implied that she cares about us

mellOW – it’s an emotional occasion, so we’re all having a dog pile on the floor

mellOW – my heather is very scarred

Cinnamonroll – normally I’d just say you do you but

Cinnamonroll – WE HAVE TO LEAVE IN FIVE MINUTES

duKE – MARTHA HHELP ME IM BEING CRUSHED

Cinnamonroll – coming

 

* * *

 

 

Cinnamonroll – SO

Cinnamonroll – NOW THAT THAT’S OVER WITH

Cinnamonroll – EVERYONE GET IN THE CAR

mellOW – COMING

duKE – ALSO COMING

Teenangst – OH CRAP

Teenangst – MARTHA CAN YOU MAKE ME BREAKFAST

Cinnamonroll – veronica oh my gosh

Cinnamonroll – I hope you like slightly heated bread bc I don’t even have time to make toast

Teenangst - I hate this fucking family

 

* * *

 

 

dREaD – I’m running late for school so I don’t think we can meet up before classes today

Teenangst – G A S P

Teenangst – COULD IT BE,,,,,

dREaD – what

Teenangst – IS HEATHER CHANDLER,

Teenangst – DEMON KING OF HIGHSCHOOL, THE UNTOUCHED CHAMPION OF THE CANDY STORE

Teenangst – TAKING AN INTEREST IN LEARNING????

dREaD – r rUDE

Teenangst – oh~~~ heather~~~

Teenangst – ~~I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS SIDE OF YOU BEFORE~~

dREaD – I ACTALLY LIKE ART OK???

dREaD – SUE ME FOR HAVING A PASSION

dREaD – AND NOT BEING TOTALLY ONE-DIMENTIONAL

Teenangst – It’S OK I LOVE YOU I WAS JOKING

dREaD – I know

dREaD – see you soon xooxoxoxxo

Teenangst – XOXOXOXXOXOXXXOXOX

 

* * *

 

 

dREaD – does this skirt make my butt look big

duKE – yes

mellOW – sort of?

Teenangst – yeah

dREaD – ok good

dREaD – that’s what I was aiming for

 

* * *

 

 

Teenangst – Martha I love you and all but

Teenangst – I’m kinkshaming

Cinnamonroll – IT’S NOT A KINK

Cinnamonroll – IT’S A LIFESTYLE VERONICA

Teenangst – a Very Kinky Lifestyle

Cinnnamonroll – NO!!!!!

duKE – ????????

mellOW – ??????

Teenangst – I’M SORRY MARTHA BUT I MUST EXPOSE YOU FOR YOUR OWN GOOD

Teenangst – story time.

Teenangst – I’m sitting with Martha at lunch and she’s completely engrossed her phone

Teenangst – and I’m like???

Teenangst – so I look over to see what she’s focusing on

Teenangst – and she like leans away so I know she’s hiding something

Teenangst – so I lean over onto her shoulder to get a better look and…

Teenangst – my soul just leaves my body

duKE – ????

mellOW – ????

Teenangst – aLL I SEE IS THIS ANIME GIRL GETTING PINNED AGAINST THE WALL BY A HORSE WITH AN ANIME BOY’S HEAD????

duKE – w ha t

mellOW – MARTHA WHAT

duKE – MARHTA I KNEW YOU LIKED HORSES BUT THIS IS TOO FAR

mellOW – MARTHA W WH AT

Cinnamonroll – It’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S A GAME IT’S A GAME I SWEAR

Teenangst – WHAT KIND OF GAME HAS THAT SORT OF IMAGERY

Cinnamonroll – ok I admit it IS a dating sim BUT IT’S NOT LIKE THAT IT SWEAR

Teenangst – why???? would you want to buy a horse dating sim????

Cinnamonroll – IT’S AN  A P P  IT’S REALLY POPULAR DON’T SHAME ME

duKE – at this point we don’t even need to shame you your shaming yourself

Teenangst – do we need to start a go fund me for your horse dating sim addiction

Cinnamonroll – I LITERALLY JUST STARTED THE GAME TODAY IT’S NOT AN ADDICTION

duKE – “a dollar a day can help young girls like Martha follow their dreams….. of making out with horses”

Teenangst – haven’t you been taking 21st century skills?

Teenangst – every addiction starts out small, Martha

Teenangst – we have to have an intervention

Teenangst – ok where did heather go she stopped texting

mellOW – I’M STILL HERE

mellOW – I’m JUST

mellOW – PROCEsSING THIS

Cinnamonroll – IT’S NOT THAT HARD OT PROCESS

mellOW – A HORSE’S BODY????

Cinnamonroll – y es

Cinnamonroll – honestly It’s JUSt a Game

Teenangst – is there something you need to talk about Martha

Cinnnamonroll – LEAVE EM ONLE

duKE – did she just slam her head into the lunch table

Teenangst – I think she’s in mourning

mellOW – honestly I’m still so confused is Martha into anime boys or horses

duKE – she’s into anime boys on top of horses I think

Teenangst – ok I was going to take Martha’s defense now bc someone has to and maybe the game is actually fun but

Teenangst – Martha this gameplay is absolute shit

duKE – you’re actually playing it

mellOW – VERONICA DON’T I’LL CONVERT YOU

Teenangst – it’s???? so horrible????

Teenangst – you have to pay money for most of the functions screw this

Teenangst – Martha what do you see in this

mellOW – she can’t text if you’re playing the game on her phone

Teenangst – oh yeah??

Teenangst – do I??? actually have to talk to her in person??? What is this????

Teenangst – I told her I’m playing the game and her head just shot up and she screamed “DON’T LOSE MY SCORE”

mellOW – Pray for Martha 10k

duKE – I’m praying

Teenangst – Martha is trying to get her phone back lmao being taller than her really comes in handy sometimes

Teenangst – WAIT NO qioehrnq89x32ryeh89ht4g8;. 9389fn5iy1h453c         df0y5p40

duKE – ??????

mellOW – ????????????

Teenangst – hi my name is monica I almost always type in lowercase and seduced my girlfriend by barfing on her shoes

duKE – waht

mellOW – WHAT

Cinnamonroll – MARHTA GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE

Teenangst – DON’T PRETEND LIKE YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS YOU GAME SHAMER

duKE – what is going on

mellOW – I don’T KNOW I’M STILL SO CONFUSED

 

* * *

 

 

duKE – so

duKE – what I’m getting from this is

Cinnamonroll – yes

duKE – you two stole each other’s phones and refuse to give them back to each other

Teenangst – pretty much

mellOW – so because you both have each other’s social skills held hostage, you’re at a stalemate?

Cinnamonroll – yeppo

Teenangst – yeah!

mellOW – this is so weird how do I tell you apart now?

Cinnamonroll – well it would be EASY if Martha G AV E ME M Y PH ON E BACK

Teenangst – ONLY IF YOU GIVE ME MINE BACK YOU JERK

mellOW – OH NO THEY’RE FIGHT ING

duKE – fuck this has never happened before what do we do

mellOW – I DON’T KNOW GUYS CALM DOWN

mellOW – my teacher is getting suspicious I have to get off now

mellOW – TTYL!!!!

duKE – heather, you’re lucky you’re the only person in the world that can make ttyl sound cute, or I would strangle you

mellOW – <3 <3 <3

Teenangst – goodbye Heather!!!

duKE – please stop being so enthusiastic while on veronica’s phone, it’s freaking me out

Cinnamonroll – it’s horrifying to watch

duKE – and Veronica stop being so unenthusiastic while on Martha’s phone

duKE – I’m having a crisis just watching this

 

* * *

 

 

dREaD – BABE!!!!!

dREaD – VERONICCCAAAA

dREaD – LOVEEEEE

dREaD – I’M BORRRed

dREaD – taaalk to meeee

dREaD – VERONICA I KNOW YOU HAVE YOUR PHONE ON YOU DON’T BE A PRICK

Teenangst – HAHAHAH HELLO HI

Teenangst – I AM THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE YES

dREaD – ???

Teenangst – WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT SUGAR-PIE

dREaD – who is this

Teenangst – UUHHHHH

Teenangst – GUM DROP

Teenangst – CUDDLE BUG

dREaD – veronica

Teenangst – …..LOVE BUNNY?????

dREaD – what did you do

Teenangst – NOTHING

dREaD – if you set something on fire in the bathroom again I swear to fuck

Teenangst – NOPE NOTHING HAPPENIING EVERYTHING’S NORMAL HAHAHAH

dREaD – oh my god you did didn’t you

Teenangst – NOPE NOTHING BURNING EXCEPT MY DESIRE FOR YOU LOVE

dREaD – I’ll sprint out of class which bathroom is it

Teenangst – OH GO OH FOJG {OH NO DON’T LEAVE CLASS PLEASE

dREaD – Now I’m entirely convinced that you did something I’m coming

dREaD – brb

Teenangst – WAIT NO

 

* * *

 

 

Teenangst – VERONICA

Cinnamonroll – ?

Teenangst – I THINK I MESSED UP

Cinnamonroll – in What Way did you mess up

Teenangst – IT INVOLVES HEATHER

Cinnamonroll – so

Teenangst – ~~YOUR~~ HEATHER

Cinnamonroll – WJH*(EHFN#EP)B@+I!@JO(!UJ)(!1

Cinnamonroll – I’M

Cinnamonroll – I AM LISTENING


	2. rams weeney

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cinnamonroll -  DO YOU REALLY WANT MY GF'S RAGE ON YOU FOR MAKING HER RUN OUT OF CLASS  
> Cinnamonroll - HEATHER IS A BEAUTFUL QUEEN BUT SHE HAS THE VENGANCE OF A GREEK GODDESS
> 
>  
> 
> or: part two of this two part series, featuring me wanting to d i e

Cinnamonroll- are you actually series rn

Teenangst- I DON'T KNOW WHICH BATHROOM SHE WENT TO BUT SHE WENT TO ONE OF THEM

Cinnamonroll- ok ok we can fix this

Cinnamonroll - what did you say to her

Cinnamonroll - like, how panicked is she

Teenangst - IDK I JSUT TRIED TO ACT LIKE YOU

Teenangst - bUT you two are d a t I n g and I have no idea how you act when you're texting her and I just

Teenangst - Used a lot of generic petnames that looking bad were absolutely disgusting no matter what your standards are

Cinnamonroll - WHAT

Cinnamonroll - W H A T

Teenangst - like sugar bun and sweetie pie

Cinnamonroll - OHOH OH THANK FI)@#*RHFJEj()F#J I THOUGHT YOU

Teenangst - ?

Cinnamonroll - NEVER MIND

Cinnamonroll - so she probably thinks I'm hiding something that's ok

Cinnamonroll - i mean it's not ok that she thinks I'm hiding something but it's ~~fixable~~

Teenangst - Can't you just text me through my phone and explain the situation??

Cinnamonroll - hahahHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

Teenangst - ????

Cinnamonroll - MARTHA

Cinnamonroll - HUNNY

Cinnamonroll - SOUL SISTER OF MINE

Cinnamonroll -  DO YOU REALLY WANT MY GF'S RAGE ON YOU FOR MAKING HER RUN OUT OF CLASS

Cinnamonroll - HEATHER IS A BEAUTFUL QUEEN BUT SHE HAS THE VENGANCE OF A GREEK GODDESS

Teenangst - Om gosh yeah your right

Cinnamonroll - ok lets just raid every bathroom in the building that would be our best bet

Teenangst - nO!!!!!!

Teenangst - I CAN'T SKIP CLASS VERONICA!!!

Cinnamonroll-  >:^/

Teenangst - Ok seriously can't you just try texting her

Teenangst - Please?

Cinnamonroll - F I N E

* * *

 

Cinnamonroll - heather

Cinnamonroll - where are you

dREaD - fuck off Martha I'm busy

Cinnamonroll - heather listen to me please

**{This number is no longer available}**

Cinnamonroll - ugh

* * *

Cinnamonroll - it didn't work she blocked my number

Teenangst - Fiiiine!!

Teenangst - Where do we meet up?

Cinnamonroll - idk what class are you in

Teenangst - History!

Cinnamonroll - i'll come to you hang on

* * *

mellOW - ok so

mellOW - picture it

duKE - we are in class

mellOW - BEE MOVIE: THE MUSICAL

duKE - w ha t

duKE -  w h y  he a th er

mellOW - a thousand people, in striped sweaters and black tights, with lil antennas, on a broadway stage

mellOW - singing "yellow black yellow black yellow black yellow black yellow black yellow black" over and over again

duKE - I am so ashamed of you right now

mellOW - :^((

duKE - .............

duKE - ....but I would fund it if you wrote it

mellOW - !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mellOW - :^)))

* * *

 

 Teenangst - WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG TO GET HERE

Cinnamonroll - SOSOSSOSOSSOS

Teenangst - ??????

Cinnamonroll - ugh

Cinnamonroll - I ran into highschool douche #1 in the hallway

Teenangst - who????

Cinnamonroll - .....

Cinnamonroll - ram

Teenangst - oh, thank goodness!

Cinnmonroll - >:^(

Teenangst - I thought you ran into someone really bad

Cinnamonroll - I DID RUN INTO SOMEONE REALLY BAD IT'S R A M  SWEENEY

Teenangst -Veronica, you know how I feel about him

Cinnamonroll - AND YOU KNOW HOW ~~I~~ FEEL ABOUT HIM

Teenangst - >:(

Teenangst - Ram isn't that bad, you know!

Cinnamonroll - Martha, his name is literally a dick joke

Cinnamonroll - he's not a good person

Teenangst - ????

Teenangst - His name???  is not a dick joke???

Cinnamonroll - martha,

Cinnamonroll - write out his name

Teenangst - ????why???

Cinnamonroll - just do it

Teenangst - ram sweeney

Cinnamonroll - now move the s to the left once

Teenangst - ram s weeney

Cinnamonroll - do you see it

Teenangst - ????? no ????

Cinnamonroll - move it to the right again

Teenangst - rams weeney

Teenangst - OH

Teenangst - OHHHHH

Teenangst - VERONICA W HY

Cinnamonroll - i have exposed the truth

Teenangst - I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO THINK OF HIS NAME THE SAME WAY AGAIN VERONICA WHY

Cinnamonroll - g o o d

Teenangst - I mmean I still have a crush on him but d a m n

Cinnamonroll - ugh

Teenangst - >:(

Cinnamonroll - a n y w a y

Cinnamonroll - I finally snuck past mr. dick joke so I'll be there soon

Teenangst - Please do not call my crush dr. dick joke

Cinnamonroll - f i ne

Cinnamonroll - I snuck past ram

Teenangst - OK

Teenangst - I'm waiting outside the classroom

Cinnamonroll - coming

* * *

Cinnamonroll - I HEARD A SHREIK IT SOUNDS LIKE HEATHER LET'S GO GO GOG OG GOG G

Teenangst - VERONICA WE HAVENT SWITCHED PHONES BACK YET

Cinnamonroll - NO TIME

Teenangst - DON'T RUN SO FAST

Cinnamonroll - N O  T IME TO WASTE

Teenangst - DANG YOU AND YOUR JOGGING HABITS HOW ARE YOU SO FAST

Teenangst - VERONIC

Teenangst - A

Teenangst - VERONIECA

Teenangst - SLOW DOWN

Cinnamonroll - YOUR ALMOST THERE CHILL

Teenangst - >:(

Cinnamonroll - oh god

Cinnamonroll - well we know why she screamed now

Teenangst - SHE'S MESSAGING YOUR PHONE AGAIN GET OVER HERE AND ANSWER

Cinnamonroll - w h a t

Cinnamonroll - ok I'm coming hold the phone

* * *

dREaD - VERONICA I FOUND A SCYTHER IN THE BATHROOM

Teenangst - heather

Teenangst - knock knock

dREaD - ???

Teenangst - boo

dREaD - AHIOFDHFIOAHIEOF

Teenangst - WHAT ARE YOU AND MARTHAT DOING HERE

Teenangst - looking for you

dREaD - THAT'S MY JOB

Teenangst - well

Teenangst - uh

Teenangst - so that's over

dREaD - ok but moving onto what happened before I got distracted

dREaD - WHY WERE YOU TEXTING SO WEIRDLY

Teenangst - haha ok so

Teenangst - actually we re standing right in front of each other now so we can just explain it in person

dREaD - oh right

* * *

 

dREaD - are you fucking kidding me

Teenangst - ME AND MARTHA ARE SO SORRY

dREaD - if I hadn't gotten an extra rare pokemon out of this I would be way more mad but

dREaD - I guess I'm just shell-shocked that you and Martha even were fighting in the first place

dREaD - over a fictional horse game

Teenangst - we're siblings

dREaD - so?

dREaD - you and the heathers are siblings too

Teenangst - weeeelll first off it's not really the same with them bc like they're kids that came from other parts of the state and

Teenangst - i don't wanna say that theyre not like siblings to me but its a lot more different

Teenangst - oh and also we fight almost constantly

dREaD - I have never seen you fight with heather mac before

Teenangst - oh trust me

Teenangst - we have had bitter wars over petty things before

dREaD - w o w

Teenangst - so babe

Teenangst - do you forgive me

dREaD - ..."babe"?

Teenangst - love

dREaD - try harder

Teenangst - my queen, my star, my love above loves, the sun in the sky

dREaD - that's better

dREaD - I, Heather Chandler

dREaD - forgive you

Teenangst - YES YES  YES THANK YOU

dREaD - I lofe you

Teenangst - I LOVE YOU TOo

dREaD - do you wanna make out in the stalls

Teenangst - HELL YEHAajhahaa

* * *

 

Cinnamonroll - YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST WAITED UNTIL I LEFT THE BATHROOM JEEZE

Teenangst - sorry

Teenangst - also sorry for making fun of your horse prince and making it escalate into this whole series of unfortunate events

Cinnamonroll - I'll forgive you

Cinnamonroll - But only because I love that book series

Teenangst - B L E S S

Cinnamonroll - .....are you going to keep on doing that in there?

Teenangst - probably

Cinnamonroll - .....ok then.....

Cinnamonroll - I'm gunna head back to class now

Cinnamonroll - Don't stay in there too long!

Teenangst - ill try, but no promises

Cinnamonroll - EWW

* * *

Teenangst - ATTENTION Y'ALLL

mellOW - ?

duKE - ??

Teenangst - I

Teenangst - VERONICA SAWYER

CInnamonroll - AND I

Cinnamonroll - MARTHA HALF-SAWYER

Teenangst - ur a full sawyer Martha don't lie

Cinnamonroll - !!!

Cinnamonroll - :)

Teenangst - :)

Teenangst - ANYWAY

Teenangst - WE HAVE MADE UP

duKE - oh thank fic

mellow - wow! that's the longest fight you've ever had, guys!

Teenangst - yeaaahh

Teenangst - its also the only fight weve ever had

Cinnamonroll - Don't get too comfortable, Veronica

Cinnamonroll - I still haven't forgive you about Ram Sweeney

Teenangst - your right

Teenangst - I'll apologize

Teenangst - Martha,

Teenangst - im sorry

Teenangst - for making you think about Ram Sweeney's ram weeney

Cinnamonroll - VERONICA SAWYER!!!!!!!!

Teenangst - ;-)

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I relate to Martha a lot, the entire running scene was just me projecting be slower than all of my friends like are they super charged lightning bolts or am I just a really pathetic raincloud
> 
> This took so long??? Sorry???
> 
> I swear that the next work I make in this series is going to be better, I'm so ashamed of how this one turned out hAhA

**Author's Note:**

> Martha plays My Horse Prince and nobody can tell me otherwise. It's a headcannon that I will fight to the death over.


End file.
